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GOLDCALF 3'2m0f Moses returns to find Aaron's new idol

(Jewish music, yelping)

MOSES -- Aaron, what are you doing?

AARON -- What do you mean? I... I'm not doing anything.

MOSES -- You know what I mean! I leave to go up to the mountain 
to bring back these stone tables, and when I come back, you're 
having a pagan party.

AARON -- Oh, that.

MOSES -- It's a little difficult to miss, don't you think? A 
life-size golden calf. It must contain at least half the gold 
from the entire nation of Israel.

AARON -- I thought it came out pretty good, don't you?

MOSES -- You! A few days ago the Lord gave us the ten 
commandments. Do you remember commandment number two? Here, read 
it off the stone in my left hand, if you don't remember it.

AARON -- Well, this isn't what you think.

MOSES -- So, it's just a coincidence that the animal you chose 
to make out of gold is an Egyptian god.

AARON -- Well, it started out as a mouse, but they kept throwing 
their earrings and other jewelry in the fire. That's too much 
gold for a mouse. Don't you think?

MOSES -- What's the second commandment?

AARON -- I suggested a lion, a gazelle, even a yak... "How about 
an aardvark?" I said. But, nooooo, they wanted a ....

MOSES -- Aaron!

AARON -- Alright, I made them a golden calf. But I built an 
altar in front of it and we burned some offerings to the Lord. 
I'll bet you thought it was breakfast burning, but it was a 
sacrif...

MOSES -- Aaron!

AARON -- I'm sorry! It just got out of hand. The people were 
home sick. Some of them are still talking about going back to 
Egypt, and they'd go too, if they only knew which way Egypt was. 
I figure it's that way. But they said it was that way...

MOSES -- Aaron!

AARON -- I'm sorry. God strictly forbids idols in the second 
commandment. But they we really getting unruly when you took so 
long returning from the mountain.

MOSES -- I'm sorry I took so long. The Lord had me writing 
endless lists of rules and dimensions for the new tabernacle.

AARON -- And I see your penmanship has improved when you wrote 
on the stone tablets.

MOSES -- Oh, I didn't write these. These were written by the 
finger of God himself. Let's go show them to the people and 
then we'll destroy the golden calf.

AARON -- Oh, man! Isn't that a little harsh?! I worked two days 
on that baby. What if we just... 

MOSES -- Grrrrrr.

AARON -- ...You're absolutely right we'll just grind it up and 
throw it into the pond. Oh, man, all that lovely gold, I could 
just...

MOSES -- Grrrrrr.

AARON -- I could just help you carry the stone tablets.

MOSES -- No, God entrusted them to me. I will put them into the 
Ark of the Covenant.

AARON -- No, I insist. You carried them all the way down the 
mountain, the least I can do is....

(crash)

Oh, oh. Now what are we going to put into the Ark of the 
Covenant?

MOSES -- I can think of one thing I'd like to stuff in there.
(afar) Come here!

AARON -- (afar) Now, Moses, don't do anything that you'll 
regret.

MOSES -- (afar) Oh, I don't think I'm going to regret this one 
bit.


©2001 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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