BREAKER 4'2m?f A surfer witnesses Jesus calming the storm

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BREAKER  4'2m?f A surfer witnesses Jesus calming the storm

(ED & OP enter, go to opposite corners of the stage, raise 
phones to ear)

OP --   911 emergency. How may I help you?

ED --   (teenager) Ah, hi, ah, I want to, like, report an 
emergency.

OP --   And what kind of an emergency is it, young man?

ED --   Ah, it's, ah, it's real serious.

OP --   Is there any loss of life?

ED --   Ah, oh, ah, nah, nobody croaked or nothin'.

OP --   Then, is there a building on fire or a serious injury?

ED --   (Inspects own arms and legs) Ah, let's see. Nope, 
nothing burnin' and I didn't break nothin' or nothin'.

OP --   Then, why are you calling? Who is this?

ED --   Ah, this is Eddy.

OP --   Eddy. Eddy what?

ED --   Oh, everybody around here just calls me Eddy. Some of 
the guys call me Eddy the goofy footer on account of I stand on 
my surf board with my right foot forward.

OP --   Eddy! Why are you calling 911?

ED --   Oh, ah, I just wanted to report this, ah, Geez, I don't 
know what to call it.

OP --   Well, Eddy, can you just tell me what happened?

ED --   Oh, ah, sure. Why not? Let's see. Where do I start? Ah, 
yeah, I was, ah, surfing on the Sea of Galilee. I just caught a 
good breaker, when I seen Jesus in a boat.

OP --   Jesus, who's Jesus?

ED --   Boy, you don't get out much, do you? Jesus is this guy 
who claims to be the son of God.

OP --   I see.

ED --   Yeah, well, anyways, lemme backup a little bit. See, 
this big storm came up real sudden like.

OP --   So, you want to report a storm?

ED --   Nah, it's all gone now. He held up his arm and the storm 
just quit.

OP --   So, that's it? You want to report that this guy...that 
this guy... 

ED --   Jesus. That's his name. I'm not usually so good with 
names, but I seen him before. Yo don't forget a dude like that.

OP --   Alright, so, this person named Jesus held up his arm and 
the storm just quit.

ED --   Battabing, battaboom. The storm quits just like that.

OP --   And that's it? That's the emergency?

ED --   No, man! I gettin' to the emergency. Cool your jets, 
huh?

OP --   Eddy, tell me what the emergency is.

ED --   Well, see, I just caught this perfect point break wave 
that this storm stirred up. It had to be 10 or 12 feet on the 
face.

OP --   Get to the emergency.

ED --   Gees, dude, chill. I'm getting there as fast as I can. 
So, I'm on the face of this humungous wave, see, when all of a 
sudden, Jesus holds up his arm and it stops.

OP --   You already told me that the storm stopped....

ED --   No, man, not the storm. The WAVE stopped. It fell like a 
rock out from under me, right when I was right in the middle of 
the longest tube ride of my life, it came down on top of me and 
fell out from under me. Baddabing, baddaboom. Gone. You catch my 
drift?

OP --   Okay, so the wave stopped.

ED --   Yeah, but I didn't.

OP --   You didn't. You didn't what?

ED --   Stop. I didn't stop. I just kept going.

OP --   Will you please just get to the emergency?

ED --   That's it.

OP --   What?

ED --   The sea became smooth as glass, all of a sudden like, 
you know? First, I was surfing 35 miles an hour, then, I was 
FLYING at 35 miles an hour, then I was body surfing at 35 miles 
an hour. So, I did an EL ROLLO to slow me down.

OP --   An EL ROLLO.

ED --   A somersault.

OP --   I still don't hear an emergency.

ED --   Well, I do. It's still ringing in my ear. 

OP --   What.

ED --   I came to a stop but my surfboard kept flying....hit me 
right in the side of the head. Rang my bell, dude.

OP --   At last, an emergency! So, you want me to send an 
ambulance to take you to the hospital?

ED --   No, man! I want you to send a search party to find my 
surfboard. I ain't seen it since.

OP --   You called 911 to find a surfboard?

ED --   Heck ya! I paid 600 shekel for that board! It was 
narly, too. Okay, so, here's what it looks like. It had a blue 
wave air-brushed inside day-bright pink circle. It had three 
stags and a... 

OP --   (Puts down phone, exits)

ED --   Hello? (puts down phone, exits) How's he gonna find my 
surfboard if he doesn't know what it looks like?


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