BACK SACRIFIC 4'2m0f Joseph buys the sacrifice for his first born JOSEPH -- (enters, looks around as if in a store) HAROLD -- (greasy, enters with two boxes, sets them DC) Well, hello, there! Welcome to Sacrifices R Us. May I help you find a sacrifice? JOSEPH -- Ah, yes, we just had a baby and... HAROLD -- Well, congratulations! Is it your first? JOSEPH -- Yes. HAROLD -- Boy or girl? JOSEPH -- A boy. HAROLD -- Well, congratulations! Then, I suppose you came to Jerusalem to consecrate your first born to the Lord. JOSEPH -- Well, yes. HAROLD -- You're from out of town, are you? JOSEPH -- Yes. HAROLD -- From your accent, I'd guess you're from way out in the boondocks near the Sea of Galilee. JOSEPH -- Why, yes. Nazareth, to be exact. HAROLD -- And you don't get to town much? JOSEPH -- No, I'm a carpenter and my business keeps me close to home. HAROLD -- Well, welcome to Jerusalem. (offers hand) JOSEPH -- (shakes) Thank you. HAROLD -- (shakes vigorously) It certainly is nice to shake the hand of a carpenter from Nazareth. My name is Harold Nilmyer. And you are... JOSEPH -- Ah, Joseph. (pries hand away) Nice to meet you too. HAROLD -- So, Joseph, you need a sacrifice in keeping with consecrating your first born to the Lord, heh? JOSEPH -- Ah yeah, I was thinking of two... HAROLD -- Well, then, let me recommend these two flawless unspotted lambs. (points to exit) (from offstage: baah, baah) The chief priest will certainly be impressed with you. He'll know that you're no hick. JOSEPH -- Well, those are nice lambs alright, but I was thinking of... HAROLD -- I can see that you are a really shrewd shopper, Joseph. A real sophisticate. Alright, look over here. (points to exit) Look at the shiny, healthy coat on these two one-year-old goats. (from offstage: baah, baah) You can't go wrong with high quality goats for your sacrifice. JOSEPH -- Probably, not but, I was thinking.... HAROLD -- You're right, Joseph. You're absolutely right. A more thoughtful sacrifice and much more visible to the high priest would be a pair of geese. (points to exit) (from offstage: honk, honk) JOSEPH -- Well.... HAROLD -- Or perhaps, though they are a little less expensive, how about a pair of ducks? (points) (from offstage: quack quack quack) JOSEPH -- The Torah calls for a pair of doves. HAROLD -- (smile melts) Oh. You know the Torah? JOSEPH -- Yes. HAROLD -- Listen, a pair of pigeons would cost you just a tiny bit more and wouldn't get overlooked among all those other run-of-the-mill sacrifices. (picks up box) Look at these beautiful, colorful pigeons! JOSEPH -- Thanks, anyway, but I'll take a pair of doves. HAROLD -- Oh. JOSEPH -- Yeah, I need to stick to the strict instructions of the Torah. HAROLD -- Yes, of course. (drops box) JOSEPH -- After all, my son is the Messiah. HAROLD -- The messiah. I see. JOSEPH -- (pause) So, may I see the doves? HAROLD -- You're son is the Messiah? JOSEPH -- Yes. HAROLD -- But the Messiah was prophesied to be born in Bethlehem. JOSEPH -- Yes. HAROLD -- But you said you're from Nazareth. JOSEPH -- Oh. He was born during the census. HAROLD -- And? JOSEPH -- And my family is from the line of David and so we had to go to Bethlehem for the census. HAROLD -- So, you're son is really THE messiah. JOSEPH -- Uh huh. HAROLD -- I see. (pause) JOSEPH -- So, can I see your selection of doves? HAROLD -- Are you sure that a pair of doves is enough of a sacrifice for the firstborn messiah? JOSEPH -- I'm quite sure. It's what Moses prescribed. HAROLD -- (disgusted, kicks a box toward Joseph) That'll be 6 minas. (holds out hand) JOSEPH -- One of these doves is dead. HAROLD -- I'm sure he's just roosting. JOSEPH -- Birds don't roost belly up. HAROLD -- I'm sure you're mistaken. JOSEPH -- The other dove has a broken wing and no tail feathers. HAROLD -- What do you want for 6 minas? JOSEPH -- A sacrifice to the Lord has to be a real sacrifice. It has to be the choicest of doves. HAROLD -- Those are the choicest that we have. JOSEPH -- May I see the others? HAROLD -- Those were the last ones. Therefore, they are the choicest ones we have. JOSEPH -- Well, then, I think I'll take the choicest ones... HAROLD -- (smiles broadly) ...That's more like it!... JOSEPH -- ...(exits) from across the street. HAROLD -- (follows) Listen, are you sure your messiah doesn't deserve a better quality sacrifice? How about a grain offering or a drink offering... ©2007 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.fea.net/bobsnook email: bobsnook@fea.net BACK |