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GOLDCALF 3'2m0f Moses returns to find Aaron's new idol

(Jewish music plays loud, yelping from audience)

MOSES -- (enters with a stone tablet in each arm, crosses to DC, 
shouts at audience) Stop the music! Stop the music!

(music, yelping stop)

(calmly) Aaron? Aaron.

AARON -- (stands up in audience, works his way to stage, wimpy) 
Yes, Moses?

MOSES -- (restrained) Aaron, what are you doing?

AARON -- (feigned innocence) What do you mean? I... I'm not 
doing anything.

MOSES -- (restrained) You know what I mean! I leave to go up to 
the mountain to bring back these stone tables, and when I come 
back, you're having a pagan party.

AARON -- Oh, that.

MOSES -- It's a little difficult to miss, don't you think? A 
life-size golden calf. It must contain at least half the gold 
from the entire nation of Israel.

AARON -- I thought it came out pretty good, don't you?

MOSES -- You! A few days ago the Lord gave us the ten 
commandments. Do you remember commandment number two? Here, read 
it off the stone in my left hand, if you don't remember it.

AARON -- Well, this isn't what you think.

MOSES -- So, it's just a coincidence that the animal you chose 
to make out of gold is an Egyptian god.

AARON -- Well, it started out as a mouse, but they kept throwing 
their earrings and other jewelry in the fire. That's too much 
gold for a mouse. Don't you think?

MOSES -- (shouts) Aaron!

AARON -- Please, don't yell, Moses. I hate it when you yell.

MOSES -- (calmly) Aaron, what is the second commandment?

AARON -- I suggested a lion, a gazelle, even a yak... "How about 
an aardvark?" I said. But, nooooo, they wanted a ....

MOSES -- Aaron!

AARON -- Alright, I made them a golden calf. But I built an 
altar in front of it (points to audience) and we burned some 
offerings to the Lord. I'll bet you thought it was breakfast 
burning, but it was a sacrif...

MOSES -- Aaron!

AARON -- I'm sorry! It just got out of hand. The people were 
home sick. Some of them are still talking about going back to 
Egypt, and they'd go too, if they only knew which way Egypt was. 
I figure it's that way. (points) But they said it was that 
way... (points)

MOSES -- Aaron! You have just thirty seconds to read the second 
commandment! It's in my left arm here.

AARON -- (reads) You shall not make for yourself an idol in the 
form of anything in the heavens above or on the earth beneath or 
in the waters below.

(lightly) I see your penmanship has improved when you wrote on 
the stone tablets.

MOSES -- Oh, I didn't write these. These were written by the 
finger of God himself. Let's go show this commandment to the 
people of Israel and then we'll destroy the golden calf.

AARON -- Oh, man! Isn't that a little harsh?! I worked two days 
on that baby. What if we just... 

MOSES -- Grrrrrr.

AARON -- ...You're absolutely right we'll just grind it up and 
throw that beautiful, valuable gold dust into the pond where it 
won't do anyone any good at all. Oh, man, all that lovely gold, 
couldn't I just...

MOSES -- Grrrrrr. (throws tablets down, stomps them)

AARON -- Oh, oh. Now look what you did. You were supposed to put 
those tablets into the Ark of the Covenant. (shakes finger at 
Moses) Now what are you going to put into the Ark of the 
Covenant?

MOSES -- (rolls up sleeves, clenches fists, teeth) I can think 
of one thing I'd like to STUFF in there. 

AARON -- (backs out exit) Now, Moses, don't do anything that 
you'll regret.

MOSES -- (follows) Oh, I don't think I'm going to regret this 
one bit.


©2007 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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