BACK SONG 3'1m1f A husband and wife discuss SONG OF SONGS SHE -- (enters, sits in one of two chairs, opens Bible, reads) HE --- (enters, hiding Bible, sits, opens Bible subtly) Darling? SHE -- (without look up) Mmmm? Yes, hun? HE --- I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to a chariot. SHE -- So, you think I'm an old nag, huh? HE --- No, darling, I'm trying to pay you a compliment. SHE -- Well, try another tack. That one fizzled. HE --- (opens Bible subtly) My love to me is a sachet of myrrh. SHE -- Thanks a lot! HE --- What. SHE -- (looks up) You think of me as a bag of funeral spices? If you think I'm over the hill, just say so. (reads) HE --- That's not what I meant. Let me try again. (opens Bible subtly) You are like a lily among the thorns, like an apple tree among the fruitless trees of the forest. Your fruit is sweet to taste. SHE -- Well! I like that. HE --- (opens Bible subtly) Like little foxes that ruin the vineyard. Oh, no, let's skip that one. (opens Bible subtly) SHE -- (looks up) Alright, what are you up to? HE --- (closes Bible) Nothing. I just wanted to be a little romantic. SHE -- So, you turned to the Song of Songs in the Bible. HE --- How did you know? SHE -- You're not the only one who reads the Bible around here, you know. HE --- Did you know that Solomon had over 700 wives? SHE -- And several hundred concubines. He had women standing in line to marry him. HE --- So, I figured if it worked for him, it should work for me. SHE -- Okay, sweetheart, two can play that game. Let's read Song of Songs together. HE --- You go first. SHE -- (turns pages in Bible) My darling, you are like a gazelle, like a stag on the rugged hills. HE --- Oooo. That was nice. (opens Bible, looks over her shoulder) Where did you read that from? SHE -- (points) Right here. HE --- (turns pages) Oh, yeah, here's one. My darling, your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn sheep. SHE -- Is that good or bad? HE --- Let me try another one. SHE -- My turn. (reads) Darling, you are my honeycomb and my honey. HE --- Why, thank you, darling. Ah, (reads) your hair is like flocks of goats. SHE -- I just washed my hair! HE --- Here's one. Ah, (reads) your temples are like halves of pomegrantes. SHE -- You really know how to put a girl in the mood. HE --- How come you get all the good ones? SHE -- (reads) Your legs are strong, like pillars of marble. Your arms like cedars of Lebanon. HE --- (flexes one leg, sits up straight, poses, straining) You think so? SHE -- You don't have to suck in your stomach for me anymore, darling. We're married, remember? HE --- Yeah, that's right, we're married. So, how's about you and me, you know... (points offstage) SHE -- (giggles) Let's read a few more. Your turn. HE --- (reads) You're like a grove of nuts. SHE -- (sighs) Oh, darling, how you do sweep me off my feet. HE --- (reads) Your nose is like the Tower of Lebanon. SHE -- You're so romantic when you hint that I need plastic surgery. HE --- (turns pages) There's got to be a good one here somewhere. You found some. Do you have a different translation? SHE -- No. Same as yours. (closes Bible, shows him the cover) HE --- (reads) If only you were like a brother to me. SHE -- Excuse me? HE --- Song of Songs wasn't such a terrific idea after all. SHE -- (stands) Come on, it's time for bed. HE --- (stands) You mean it? SHE -- (moves to exit) Well, it IS bed time. HE --- (follows) Do you really think my legs are like pillars of marble? SHE -- Do you really think my nose is like the tower of Lebanon? HE --- You're not going to let this go, are you? SHE -- (exiting) Not as long as my hair is like a herds of goats, buster. HE --- (exiting) How come it always worked for King Solomon? ©2007 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.fea.net/bobsnook email: bobsnook@fea.net BACK |