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DOUBLE   5'1m1f Secrets, deception: walk the walk

HIM -- (enters wearing business suit, carrying a handful of
mail, shouts) Honey, I'm back.

HER -- (enters opposite wiping hands on apron) Hi, Hon. I'm glad
I got hold of you before you got too far. (digs in apron pocket,
pulls out pager) Here it is.

HIM -- (takes pager) Thanks, Honey. I'd forget my head if it
wasn't attached to my neck. Oh, by the way, I got the mail from
the mail man on the way in. (hands mail to Her, turns) Gotta
run.

HER -- Oh, thanks. By the way, Honey, do you know how I knew you
left your pager behind?

HIM -- (turns) Listen, I'm running late. (turns) Got to go.

HER -- Your pager beeped right after you left.

HIM -- (stops, does not turn, pushes button, reads pager's
readout) Oh. Okay. (begins to exit) I'll return the call from
the car phone.

HER -- I already did.

HIM -- (turns) You what?!

HER -- I forgot about your new car phone. And I thought the call
might be important. So, I called the number.

HIM -- You called... this number?!

HER -- Honey, why are you getting a phone call from the F.B.I.?

HIM -- Listen, honey, I... I can explain....

HER -- ...I certainly hope so? And while you're explaining that
to me, explain why after seven years in the same job you
suddenly need a pager and a car phone, especially since I had to
cut costs by cancelling my credit cards!

HIM -- Listen, there's a good explanation....

HER -- ....Honey, are you in some kind of trouble? Are you
dealing drugs or something?

HIM -- No, honey! Not at all!

HER -- I had visions of visiting you in jail.

HIM -- No! Honey, it's nothing like that... I... It's... I...

HER -- I'm listening.

HIM -- I knew I couldn't pull this off!

HER -- This really scares me! What are you involved in?

HIM -- They told me not to tell you.

HER -- We vowed we would never have secrets from one another,
remember?

HIM -- They said it was for your own good.

HER -- That woman who answered the phone at the F.B.I., that
wasn't really the F.B.I., was it? You're seeing another woman.

HIM -- Oh, No! Honey, no. Alright, I'll tell you. But you must
promise never to tell anyone about this, not even your mother or
your sister.

HER -- This better be good.

HIM -- You know that I have a top-secret clearance at work
because I'm working on defense related software?

HER -- Yes, but you've had a top-secret clearance for four or
five years.

HIM -- Yes, but a few months ago, I noticed some strange things
were happening in the lab, so I mentioned it to the security
chief at the plant.

HER -- Okay.

HIM -- It turned out that two of the people in the plant were
involved with espionage.

HER -- Espionage.

HIM -- They were selling secrets to a foreign government.

HER -- I see.

HIM -- That's really all I can tell you, except to say that I'm
sorry that I deceived you.

HER -- So, you lied about the pager and the phone.

HIM -- I lied about the pager and the phone. I tried to avoid
outright lying to you by avoiding answering your questions, but,
you kept asking. I'm sorry.

HER -- You're a Christian. What about Leviticus 19:11 "Do not
steal, do not lie, do not deceive one another"...

HIM -- ...I know what Leviticus 19:11 says. I know. But it was
for national security!

HER -- Oh, honey. (hugs, with handful of mail in downstage
hand) No wonder you seemed so distracted and aloof lately!

HIM --  Well, I think it's over now. They've finished their
investigation. My contact at the F.B.I. was going to call me
today and confirm whether there were any more security breeches
in our company.

HER -- I am so sorry I doubted you, honey! (raises mail to His
eye level)

HIM -- (pulls away) Speaking of doubt...

HER -- What.

HIM -- (points to mail) That's a VISA card statement there.

HER -- (holds mail behind back) Where?

HIM -- There. In the mail. And I saw a bill in there from Macy's
too. I thought you were going to cut up your credit cards.

HER -- (backs away) You have an important phone call to make.
You should go. I don't want to keep you. (turns) And I have
dishes to do...

HIM -- (shouts) Freeze, woman!

HER -- (freezes) Yes, Honey?

HIM -- Don't honey me! It looks like I'm not the only person in
this family who is leading a double life!

HER -- (turns) Listen, honey, I can explain.... There was a shoe
sale at Macy's, then I needed something at Walmart and I didn't
have any cash.

HIM -- (mockingly) You're a Christian. What about Leviticus
19:11? "Do not steal, do not lie, do not deceive one another."

HER -- (sigh) I'm sorry. I had that coming. I deceived you as
surely as you deceived me. But I can't claim any noble purpose,
like national security. I just didn't want to let go of my
luxuries. I'm sorry. I hate the way a double life causes us to
distance ourselves from each other.

HIM -- (hugs) Me too. I tell you what. Let's renew our vow. No
more secrecy.

HER -- No more deceptions.

HIM -- No more double lives.

HER -- We'll talk the talk and...

HIM -- ...and walk the walk... Deal? (offers hand)

HER -- (shakes) Deal! I'm going to cut up the credit cards and
present you with the pieces on your dinner plate.... (pulls
back) Oh, listen, you'd better go make that phone call, in case
our country may still need you.

HIM -- (backing away) You're right. I'll see you tonight.
(exiting) I can hardly wait to get back to a life of real
integrity again.

HER -- (exiting opposite) Me too. Bye, Hon!

©2007 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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