BACK FAMILY3 7'1m4f Christian witness, family values, Holy Spirit SAM -- (enters wearing a fedora with unlit cigarette in mouth, crosses strolling, to audience) The name is Spade. Sam Spade. I'm a private investigator. In fact, I'm the world's greatest private investigator. And I want you to know that a detective's life is not all about sleazy divorces. MOM -- (enters opposite) I'm looking for a detective named Sam Spade. SAM -- That would be me. (turns to audience, straightens brim of hat, turns to Mom) I hope this isn't one of those sleazy divorces. MOM -- No. It's about my son. SAM -- What about him? MOM -- He's been acting strangely. SAM -- How so? MOM -- He doesn't talk back. He mows the lawn without having to be reminded. SAM -- Dreadful! Call in the National Guard! MOM -- It may not sound pathological to you, but something strange is going on. He never acts like this! He even told me that he loves me! SAM -- Sounds like the kind of things I did when I was a kid. He's probably just trying to soften you up to get his next handout. MOM -- That's just it. He stopped asking for handouts. He went out and found a part time job. SAM -- Just sounds like a kid being a kid. I'm not sure you want to spend good money.... MOM -- (pushes envelope at Sam) Will two thousand dollars get you started? SAM -- (looking into envelope, wide-eyed) On the other hand the kid could be in deep doo-doo. I really should investigate this case thoroughly. MOM -- (offers snap shot) Here's a picture of him. His name is Darren. (exits) SAM -- I'll get right on it. (turns, strolls, to audience) When you're the world's greatest private-eye, you don't waste time interviewing neighbors and relatives, you go where the action is. That's where trouble lurks. I headed down to the local squat. A squat is an empty hotel or warehouse where druggies hang out. ZONER -- (enters opposite) You a cop? SAM -- Me? No, I... ZONER -- (offers baggie) Then I'll trade you six rocks for six ludes. SAM -- I'm not into that stuff. ZONER -- Hash? SAM -- No. ZONER -- Dust? SAM -- I'm looking for a kid who probably hangs out here. (offers picture) You seen him in here? ZONER -- No. You got any coke? SAM -- No. So, you're saying you never saw this kid doing drugs? ZONER -- (backs to exit) Never saw him at all. Hey, you wouldn't just happen to have any smack, would you? SAM -- Thanks for the info. (turns, strolls, to audience) With drugs eliminated as the cause of the kid's behavior I headed down to the local rave. A rave is a traveling night club. The reason it travels is because the owners don't check driver's licenses when kids order drinks. BOUNCER -- You a cop? SAM -- No, I'm a private investigator. Looking for this kid. (offers picture) You ever seen him in here? BOUNCER -- Yeah. SAM -- Aha! When? BOUNCER -- The little brat cost me a customer! SAM -- What do you mean? BOUNCER -- I thought he came in here to drink. But it turns out he came in to find a friend of his. Took her drink right out of her hand and dragged her out the door. At six bucks a drink, that girl was usually good for fifty bucks worth of alcohol. But this little brat stopped her before she could finish one drink. SAM -- Do you know where he took the girl? BOUNCER -- The worst part is I thought the kid was a big tipper. He pressed a folded bill into my hand to get past the ropes, but when I looked it was just a one dollar bill. That's the last time that little punk will ever get by MY ropes again. SAM -- Focus. Where did he take the girl. BOUNCER -- I'm sorry. I just developed a slight deafness. Can you repeat the question? (extends hand palm up) SAM -- (presses bill into Bouncer's hand) Where? BOUNCER -- Young Life. Downtown. SAM -- Thanks. (turns) BOUNCER -- (exiting) A one dollar bill?! Tightwad! SAM -- (strolls, to audience) I went downtown and asked around about another rave called Young Life. (to Counselor) Hey, I'm looking for a place called Young Life. COUNSELOR -- (enters opposite carrying clipboard) This is Young Life here. SAM -- Why don't I hear any music? COUNSELOR -- Music? SAM -- It's too early to close up. COUNSELOR -- I don't understand. SAM -- This is a rave, isn't it? COUNSELOR -- No. It's a Christian Crisis Center. SAM -- You're kidding. COUNSELOR -- Why would I kid you? SAM -- Nevermind. (offers picture) Did you see this kid come in here with a girl? COUNSELOR -- Darren? Yes. But if you want information about the girl, I'm sworn to confidentiality. SAM -- But you can give me information about Darren. COUNSELOR -- It depends. Why are you looking for him? SAM -- His mother is worried about him. COUNSELOR -- I'm sure. SAM -- Oh. You think I might be... You think I'm out to get him. COUNSELOR -- Darren has made some enemies among the drug dealers. SAM -- How? COUNSELOR -- First, you lay your cards on the table, then I'll lay mine. SAM -- My name is Spade, Sam Spade. I'm a private investigator. Darren's mother hired me to find out why he's been acting so strange lately. COUNSELOR -- Yes, it has been a rather dramatic change, hasn't it? SAM -- So? COUNSELOR -- Darren surrendered his life to Jesus a few weeks ago. SAM -- So, he didn't bring the girl here for a little.... COUNSELOR -- No, of course not! He brought her here for drug and alcohol rehabilitation. SAM -- You're kidding. COUNSELOR -- You must have mistaken me for a comedian. SAM -- So, Darren's behavior change is... COUNSELOR -- You thought it was a cover-up for drugs, or sex, or something sinister? SAM -- It usually is. But this is the real deal, huh? COUNSELOR -- The real deal. SAM -- Didn't Darren tell his mother about this? COUNSELOR -- Every time Darren tries to tell his mother about Jesus, she just thinks it's.... SAM -- A cover-up? COUNSELOR -- Yes. SAM -- How do YOU explain the behavior change? COUNSELOR -- Well, I know that Jesus promised that the Holy Spirit would write his laws on our hearts. (exits) SAM -- The Holy Spirit, aye? (turns, strolls, to audience) Well, I'll be.... Even the world's greatest private-eye learned something new on this case. I returned to my client's home to give her the news. (to Mom) Well, I found the reason for your son's strange behavior. MOM -- (enters opposite) I already know. SAM -- You do?! MOM -- Yes. It's the Holy Spirit! SAM -- But I just spent three days tracking down... (points over shoulder) How did you find out? MOM -- I surrendered my life to Jesus too! The Holy Spirit is changing my life too! (exiting) Isn't it wonderful?! SAM -- (turns, strolls, to audience) So, there you have it: proof positive that a private-eye's life is not all about sleazy divorces. It's also about the Holy Spirit. (exiting) It sounds like it could be contagious. ©2007 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. 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