BACK HERETIC 7'2m?f Cults, heresy, quoting the Bible out of context (both characters dress in all-black clothing) BOSS -- (enters rubbing hands together) Oh, boy, this is going to be a really good day! I can feel it. NEWBY -- (enters opposite poking a PDA with a stylus) Well, this is different. BOSS -- What's that you say? NEWBY -- (points to PDA) According to my records here, this is the first time since I started DEMON training that you have been on time, Boss. BOSS -- That's because this day is special. Probey, today is your lucky day! NEWBY -- My lucky day? BOSS -- Yes. NEWBY -- What's so lucky about today? BOSS -- It is rare indeed that we demons have an opportunity to witness history in the making. NEWBY -- What history? BOSS -- Probey, you are about to witness the start of a new cult! Isn't that great?! NEWBY -- What's so great about a new cult? BOSS -- (sighs) Probey, when someone breaks away from the Christian church and starts a new cult, he usually brings other Christians with him. NEWBY -- And that's good? BOSS -- Probey, our job is to render the Christian church ineffective. And what better way is there to do that than to draw people AWAY from the church? NEWBY -- Oh. Sure. I get it. The fewer people there are left in the church the less effective they'll be. BOSS -- Isn't that what I just said?! NEWBY -- Oh, sure. So, where do we start, Boss? BOSS -- Well, there's a guy in the church who thinks he's a real Christian and last night he thinks he had a vision from God. NEWBY -- And what was the vision? BOSS -- I don't know and I don't care. NEWBY -- You don't care? BOSS -- No. It doesn't matter. NEWBY -- I don't get it. What if the "VISION" was just a bad dream caused by bad pizza? BOSS -- All the better! The more ridiculous the better. Some people will believe ANYTHING if you tell them the vision came from God. NEWBY -- But what if the vision really was from God? BOSS -- Very rare. All the best cults in the world were started by some shlub who had a "VISION" from God. (excited) And MILLIONS of people have been drawn away from the REAL church to join the cults! You see, probey, cults are one of our greatest weapons for dismantling the church! NEWBY -- Then where do WE come in? BOSS -- Well, a newly developing cult is at its most vulnerable at its very start because that's when those do-gooder Christians try to nip it in the bud. NEWBY -- Oh, I get it. Our job is to make sure the do-gooders have a little accident or an untimely death, aye? BOSS -- (sighs, to self) Why do they always give ME the numskulls to train? Probey, we demons don't kill or maim Christians who oppose us! That would make them into martyrs! NEWBY -- Oh. Sure. Then, how do we help the vision guy start his cult, Boss? BOSS -- We give him the tools he needs to defend himself from the attack of the do-gooders. NEWBY -- Oh. Sure. What tools? BOSS -- The Bible. NEWBY -- The Bible?! BOSS -- Yes, you brought a Bible with you, didn't you? NEWBY -- Uh, no. BOSS -- No?! You didn't bring a Bible?! NEWBY -- No. When you told me to bring a Bible, I thought you were kidding. BOSS -- Oh, brother! NEWBY -- You weren't kidding? BOSS -- No. The Bible is one of our most effective weapons against the do-gooders. NEWBY -- Ah, I don't get it. Apostle Paul called the Bible the SWORD of the Spirit for the DEFENSE of the church. BOSS -- Not the way WE use it, Probey! NEWBY -- How do WE use it? BOSS -- We fight dirty! (laughs fiendishly) NEWBY -- Listen, Boss, I... I'm sorry I left the Bible back at the office. But I can download the Bible from the internet. (points to PDA, pokes) There. (points, reads) Select King James Version, Revised Standard Version, New International Version, New American Standard Bible... BOSS -- Doesn't matter! NEWBY -- Oh. Why not? BOSS -- When you spout scripture at do-gooder Christians -- any scripture -- they scatter like cockroaches. NEWBY -- That doesn't sound right. BOSS -- You'll get the hang of it. Now, as soon as this guy tells the Christians about his vision, the do-gooders will invariably question whether this vision is really from God. They usually quote scripture to show him that his vision is inconsistent with the rest of Bible teaching and that God would never tell some Christians one thing and other Christians the exact opposite. NEWBY -- There's no weapon against that. BOSS -- Second Thessalonians 2:2 "Do not become easily unsettled or alarmed by some prophecy". NEWBY -- Hey, that's a good one! (imitates) "Hey, buddy, it ain't Christian to be easily unsettled." BOSS -- Now, if the do-gooders are claiming that this guy's vision is not from God, we quote Second Peter 1:21 "For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit." NEWBY -- (imitates) Hey, dufus, you ain't fightin' against me, you're fightin' against the Holy Spirit. (laughs) BOSS -- Revelation 2:19 "And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life." NEWBY -- (imitates) "Disagree with me and you lose your salvation, buddy!" (laughs) BOSS -- If all the do-gooders haven't scattered like cockroaches by now, you hit them with First Timothy 5:19: "Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt." NEWBY -- (imitates) "Kill-joy! Wet blanket!" (laughs, pokes PDA) Say, wait a minute boss. BOSS -- What's the matter? NEWBY -- The very next verse, First Timothy 5:21 tells the Christians to TEST EVERYTHING. Doesn't that mean the Christians are SUPPOSED to question this guy's vision? BOSS -- (grabs PDA) Give me that thing! See, that's why I wanted you to bring the Bible instead of this... thing. It's harder to look things up in the Bible. And if the do-gooders can't look things up, they'll never know the guy is quoting the Bible out of context. NEWBY -- You mean all them other Bible verses is quoted out of context too, Boss? BOSS -- How do you think we started all them cults so far, probey?! (laughs) NEWBY -- Oh. Sure. BOSS -- (exiting with Newby) See, probey, that's how you use the Bible as a club instead of a sword. NEWBY -- (laughs) Imagine that! A new cult is born and WE protect it with the Bible. (laughs) ©2007 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.fea.net/bobsnook email: bobsnook@fea.net BACK |