BACK LASTMAN 5'2m0f End times: the last man to hear gospel ED -- (enters, crosses to DC, holds cell phone to ear) Yeah, hi. (points to opposite exit) I followed him to a 7-11 store. I'll try to tell him when he comes out. Oh, here he comes now. (pockets the cell phone) FRED -- (enters opposite, carrying grocery bag, crosses by Ed) ED -- Hi, you're Fred Flaherty, aren't you? FRED -- (stops) You a bill collector? ED -- No. FRED -- Then I'm him. What do you want? ED -- I need to tell you the good news about Jesus. FRED -- (continues to exit) Sorry, I'm busy. ED -- (steps in front of him) Well, this is pretty important. FRED -- (turns, walks away) I don't care. I don't want to hear it. ED -- (walks along side) Well, we're all pretty anxious to get this over with. FRED -- (changes direction) I think I know what you're talking about and I don't want to hear it. ED -- (catches up to him) But, why? This is really good news. FRED -- (stops) Look, why are you picking on me? Why don't you find someone else to share your really good news with? ED -- Because you're the last one. FRED -- The last what? ED -- According to our computer, you are now the only one left in the entire world who hasn't heard the good news of Jesus. FRED -- You're kidding. ED -- No. I'm glad to say that, thanks to radio, television, movies, and old fashioned missionaries, the gospel of Jesus has been heard around the world. Everybody on earth has had a chance to make a decision, except you.... FRED -- (puts down bag, covers ears with hand) I don't want to hear it. Go away. ED -- Listen, I'll just give you the short version: it won't take but 5 minutes. Then we can all go home and see the Lord face to face. FRED -- I told you, I don't want to hear it. I'm doing just fine the way I am. Go away. (turns away) ED -- (walks around him) I don't understand. I have news that could give you eternal life. Please take your hands off your ears. FRED -- I'm not listening. (closes eyes, sings) La la la la la la la la la la la. ED -- (walks behind Fred) FRED -- (stops singing, looks around, not seeing Ed, picks up bag, turns, walks into Ed) Eeeaaah! ED -- This is really good news. You really ought to hear it. FRED -- You said as soon as I hear the good news it's over, right? ED -- Right, but.... FRED -- Then, kiss off. I don't want to hear it. (puts bag, down, covers ears, sings) La la la la la la la la la la la. ED -- (paces in front of Fred, deliberating, stops, points down at bag) What's in the bag? FRED -- (stops singing, uncovers ears) What? ED -- I asked, what's in the bag? FRED -- (quickly picks up bag, walks away) None of your business. ED -- (walks along side) But,... FRED -- Why can't you just leave me alone? ED -- I'm sorry. I'm not normally this aggressive about sharing the gospel. But, you are standing in the way of billions of people going to paradise with the Lord of the universe and I want to know why. Now, what's in the bag? FRED -- Ah, it's not my bag. ED -- Then, why are you clutching it so tightly? FRED -- Well, what I mean is, I found this bag laying on the sidewalk, so I picked it up. ED -- I saw you go into this 7-11 store empty-handed and come out with this bag in your hands. You put it down to cover your ears. Now, please, just tell me what's so important in your bag that you would keep us all waiting. FRED -- Ah, it's a prescription... for my... invalid grandmother. Yeah, that's it. Her health is way more important to me right now than paradise. So, if you'll excuse me, now. I have to run to the hospital with this medicine. (walks) ED -- Nice try. FRED -- (stops) Nursing home. I said hospital. I meant nursing home. ED -- Nice try. FRED -- What. ED -- They don't sell prescriptions in 7-11 stores. FRED -- No, but they do sell... candy. I came here from the drug store to buy candy for my sick mother. ED -- Nice try. FRED -- What. ED -- You said it was your GRANDmother in the nursing home. FRED -- (turns, walks away) I gotta go. ED -- (walks along side) Please, just let me look in your bag and see why billions of people have to wait... (peeks into the bag) Well look at that.... a six pack of beer and a playboy magazine. FRED -- Ooops! I must have switched bags with someone in the store. (walks toward 7-11) ED -- Nice try. FRED -- (stops) What. ED -- The store is empty. You were the only customer in there. FRED -- Alright! If you must know, I just spent my last ten bucks on a six pack of beer and a Playboy magazine, and I don't want to go anywhere until I've had my money's worth. ED -- So, that's it? FRED -- Come back see me tomorrow. The beer will be gone and I'll be finished with the magazine. ED -- You'd make billions of Christians wait for Heaven because of beer and a magazine? FRED -- You really mean it? ED -- Mean what? FRED -- Everybody is waiting for me? ED -- I guess you might say that. The Lord said that once the good news is preached to everyone around the world.... FRED -- ....I've never had this much power before. (swaggers) Hey, I might even take TWO days to finish the beer. Maybe I'll just read one page of the magazine per day. (turns, strolls slowly away, cocky) ED -- (follows) You would really do that? FRED -- (they stop at exit opposite 7-11) It's only Heaven. Heaven can wait. ED -- It's not ONLY Heaven. We're waiting for Jesus too. You know who Jesus is, don't you? He is the son of God who came to earth to die for our sins and he rose from the dead to give us eternal life. And if you put your trust in him, you can go with us to see him. (trumpets fanfare) FRED -- What was that? ED -- That's it. I told you the gospel. And now Jesus will come to get his people and take us up to Heaven with him. FRED -- Oh, man! I didn't even get to finish one beer yet! ED -- You'd better hurry and decide. FRED -- Decide? Decide what? ED -- You need to decide whether you want to accept Jesus' gift of forgiveness of your sins. Because in a moment it will be decided for you. What'll it be: Jesus or beer and Playboy? (slips out exit immediately after Fred turns) FRED -- (turns) Oh, man, that was my last ten bucks! (starts back to 7-11) Maybe I can return the beer and get my money.... (turns back) Say, do they need money in Heaven... Where'd he go? Where did EVERYbody go? (backs out exit, fearfully looking around) Oh, oh. ©2007 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.fea.net/bobsnook email: bobsnook@fea.net BACK |