BACK THANKS 6'1m7f The Thanksgiving police CLERK1 -- (enters with clipboard, stands near wings, writes) LILITH -- (strong, sure, sullen, enters opposite, crossing to Clerk1) Aren't you finished with that report yet? CLERK1 -- I'm just finishing it up right now. LILITH -- Come on, come on. This is eating into my lunch hour. CLERK1 -- I'm sorry. They made me include some new account numbers. LILITH -- (shifts weight, looks around, looks at watch) Any time before the end of the century would be nice. CLERK1 -- Just one more number. Here. (removes paper from clipboard hands it to Lilith, exits) There you go. LILITH -- (sarcastically) Thank you so much. CLERK2 -- (enters opposite with clipboard, stands near wings, writes) LILITH -- (turns, crossing to Clerk2) Don't tell me you're still not finished with your report either. CLERK2 -- (sings) Just a second. LILITH -- (clicks tongue, shifts weight, looks around, looks at watch) CLERK2 -- (writing) What's the matter? Got a hot date waiting for you at lunch? LILITH -- Just finish the report. CLERK2 -- I'm not going to let you spoil my day. (sings) It's Thanksgiving tomorrow. LILITH -- Forgive me if I'm not just gushing with thaksgiving because your report is late. CLERK2 -- (removes paper from clipboard hands it to Lilith, exits smiling, sings) There you go. LILITH -- (sings sarcastically) Thank you. (turns to cross) ANGEL --- (dainty fairy-god-mother type, enters same side) You didn't mean that. LILITH -- (stops, turns, impatient) Excuse me? Are you talking to me? ANGEL --- You said "thank you" but you didn't mean it. LILITH -- Look. I'm having a really bad day and I'm really busy. Send me an email. (turns, takes one step) ANGEL --- You're under arrest. LILITH -- (takes a deep breath, turns) The last time I checked, insincerity was not a crime in this state. Look, I don't know who you are or what prankster put you up to this, but I have lots to do. So, (turns, crosses to C) if you'll excuse... ANGEL --- You're under arrest. (points at Lilith's feet) Freeze. LILITH -- (freezes midstride, looks down at own legs, tries to free feet from floor) How did you do that? ANGEL --- As a Christian, you are required to give thanks in all circumstances. And this morning you failed miserably several times. And in doing so, you cheapened the phrase "Thank you". LILITH -- (struggling subtly) Listen, I don't know who you are, or how you did this. But I really don't... (looks around) Say, am I on "America's Funniest Home Videos"? ANGEL --- (reads from pad) According to the record, your first violation was at exactly 7:12 this morning. BOTH ---- At the health club. LILITH -- Have you been following me? Look, if you don't let me go, I'm going to call security. ANGEL --- Are you going to confess your sin at the health club or am I going to have to take you down to headquarters? LILITH -- Well, if you must know, I bought a new dress for the Thanksgiving banquet at church tonight and it was a little snug, so I decided to go to the health club to work off a little weight. Now, will you please let me go? (points at feet) ANGEL --- I still haven't heard a confession. LILITH -- Alright, if you must know, when I got to the health club, that cute little aerobics instructor with the tiny little tush, came to the door and said (holding finger to cheek to make a dimple, imitates bimbo) "Oh, I'm sorry, the aerobics room is closed all day for remodeling." ANGEL --- And... LILITH -- And I said, (sarcastic) "Thank you so much". ANGEL --- But you weren't really thankful. LILITH -- Well, what is there to give thanks for in that circumstance? Every ounce of fat I've got is going to show in my new dress. ANGEL --- Look over there. (points to exit) LILITH -- (looks) Where? I don't see anything. ANGEL --- You're not looking hard enough. Look, on the street corners of Bombay, Bangladesh, Mexico City... CHILD --- (enters barefoot, wearing rags, hands cupped and raised, begging to imaginary passers-by) Please, lady, can you spare any change. Please? (turns, exiting) Please, lady, I haven't had anything to eat for two days. LILITH -- Alright, I get the point. I'm all hung up on my own little problem of eating too much, while out there in the world people are starving. ANGEL --- And... LILITH -- And instead of grumbling, I should have given thanks that I have plenty to eat. ANGEL --- Did you happen to notice what that little girl had on her feet? LILITH -- No. I guess I was too self-absorbed trying to figure out how you glued MY feet to the floor. ANGEL --- She had no shoes. LILITH -- Yeah. So? ANGEL --- So, that brings us to your second violation. (reads from pad) 10:03 this morning, a phone conversation with a clerk at Macy's department store. LILITH -- Oh, that. That was nothing. ANGEL --- Okay, I'll just take you down to headquarters. (grabs her arm) Let's go. LILITH -- (resists) Alright, so I was a little unpleasant on the phone. She promised me that the shoes I needed to match my new dress would be in today. But, when I called this morning, she says, (imitating) "Oh, I'm sorry, our shoe delivery doesn't get in until Friday. It's a Holiday tomorrow, you know. Tee hee." ANGEL --- And... LILITH -- I hate it when you say that. ANGEL --- And... LILITH -- And I said (gruff) "Thank you so much" (voice trails off) "you miserable little...." ANGEL --- And... And... LILITH -- And I should have given thanks that I have a closet full off shoes, when half the world is barefoot. Now will you let me go? ANGEL --- And... LILITH -- And what? I already said I was thankful. What do you want from me? ANGEL --- You're going to church tonight. LILITH -- I go to church every Wednesday night. (pause) What. ANGEL --- Look over there. (points to other wing) LILITH -- (looks) You did that before and I couldn't see anything. Where am I looking? ANGEL --- You're looking at the communist countries and the Muslim countries all over the world. WOMAN --- (enters reading a Bible) Give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. POLICE -- (enters, grabbing woman, pulling her offstage) You're under arrest for preaching an unauthorized religion. WOMAN --- But all I did was... POLICE -- Come along. (both exit) ANGEL --- This happens tens of thousands of time every year all over the world. LILITH -- Alright, I get the point. I'm an ingrateful slob. I live in a country where I can worship freely and I take it for granted. Can I go shopping for my shoes now? ANGEL --- Not yet. With your attitude, you'll miss your most important blessing at Thanksgiving. LILITH -- I thought we covered them all. ANGEL --- Look there. (points to opposite wing) LILITH -- (looks) You're doing it again. ANGEL --- Look. 2000 years ago. There. In Israel. JESUS --- (enters, crosses DS of Lilith and Angel, carrying cross) Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. LILITH --- (follows Jesus till he reaches exit) ANGEL ---- (backs away, quietly exits opposite) JESUS ---- (exiting) Yet, not my will, but your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. LILITH -- Now I see the point. (looks back expecting a response from Angel, looks around, looks down, notices feet are now free, smiles back toward Angel, ponders to audience, smile melts, looks offstage toward Jesus, ponders to audience, sighs, smiles tearfully, looks up) Thank you. (turns, follows Jesus) ©2007 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.fea.net/bobsnook email: bobsnook@fea.net BACK |