UNITY 3'?m3f Unity: Let's attack the enemy, not each other

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UNITY    3'?m3f Unity: Let's attack the enemy, not each other

SUE -- (enters, crosses to Jan) Hi, Jan, how are you?

JAN -- (enters, crosses to Sue) Hi, Sue, I'm fine. Say, I
stopped by your church and peaked in last Sunday on the way to
my church.

SUE -- You did? How did you like it? Isn't it pretty?

JAN -- If you like all that stained glass and pipe organ music.

SUE -- Oh, that's right, you go to one of those community
churches that measures the success of your worship in decibels.

JAN -- Well, at least we use a version of the Bible that's less
than 400 years old.

SUE -- A lot you know about it. At least the King James Version
doesn't leave out whole verses.

JAN -- How would you know? You can't understand a word of the
King James Version without an interpreter.

SUE -- Well, at least our people dress up for church. Your
people look like they came to church while taking a break from
cleaning out the garage.

AMY -- (enters crosses to podium with large meat cleaver or
large-headed axe, lays hand on front edge of podium, takes two
practice swings at her own wrist)

JAN -- Oh sure, like Jesus himself ordained choir robes and
pipe organ music?

SUE -- (points) Amy! What do you think you're doing!?

AMY -- Oh, I'm just doing what you two are doing. (takes two
more practice swings)

SUE & JAN -- Wait!

AMY -- What's the matter?

SUE -- You're not really going to cut your hand off, are you?

AMY -- Well, if you two can divide the body, so can I.

JAN -- What is she talking about?

SUE -- What are you talking about?

AMY -- Do you two have any idea why Jesus didn't take his church
with him when he ascended into heaven?

SUE -- I think she's talking about the Great Commission....

JAN -- ..."go and make disciples of all nations..."

SUE -- But what does that have to do with cutting your hand off?

AMY -- While you two are bickering about trivia, people all over
the world are dying and they'll spend eternity separated from
the Lord.

SUE -- Trivia?! Do you call it trivia when a Bible translation
leaves out whole verses?

AMY -- Jan, does your Bible translation make it clear that Jesus
is God and that he died for the sins of the world?

JAN -- Yes, it says that in a lot of places.

AMY -- Sue, does your Bible translation make it clear that Jesus
is God and that he died for the sins of the world?

SUE -- I see where you're going with this. Yes, both of our
Bibles make it very clear that Jesus is God and that he died for
our sins.

AMY -- Then the rest of what you're dividing the body of Christ
over is just TRIVIA, while literally millions of cult members
deny that Jesus is God. Instead of fighting with each other over
trivia, you should be fighting with cult members and saving
their lives for eternity.

SUE -- You make us sound so petty.

JAN -- We ARE petty if you look at like that.

AMY -- Jan, I know that you memorized Philippians 2:1-2. Recite
it for me, will you?

JAN -- Let's see, "If you have any encouragement from being
united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any
fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,
then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same
love, being one in spirit and purpose."

AMY -- Sue, what does what does the King James Version say?

SUE -- It says pretty much the same thing.

JAN -- Except you need an intepreter to understand it.

AMY -- (threatens to cut off hand)

JAN -- I was just kidding! Sue, I'm sorry. My mother says that
sometimes I major in the minors.

SUE -- You're not the only one. I'm sorry. It's not fair to
Jesus for us to be bickering over little things, when there are
so many souls to save.

AMY -- Good for you. Say, listen, I was just on my way over to
the coffee shop to meet two cult members. Do you want to go with
me and help set them straight? (points)

JAN -- Sure. But, I'm not sure THAT is a very good witness.
(points to axe)

AMY -- (laughs, lays axe on podium) You know, you may be right.

(all exit laughing and joking)

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