BACK YEARS 6'2m1f A collection of secular Valentine's Day skits THROUGH THE YEARS Show me yours HATS: He -- baseball hat on backward She - pony tail in scarf. HE --- (strolling hand in hand) Aw, what's it going to hurt? SHE -- Mom says nice girls don't do that. HE --- But I like you a lot. Doesn't that count? SHE -- Daddy says you never do that kind of thing on the first date. HE --- Aw come on, I won't tell anyone. SHE -- Oh sure, that's easy for you to say. Next thing I know it's all over school! HE --- It'll be our secret, I swear. SHE -- But will you respect me in the morning? HE --- I'll respect you like crazy. I just thought this would be an act of trust between us, the next step in our relationship. SHE -- Gee, I don't know. HE --- Well, just show me yours and I'll show you mine. SHE -- Well, alright ... (they quickly throw their yoyos as they exit) (lights out, music up) THROUGH THE YEARS Coincidences HATS: He -- none She - none SET PIECES -- Two chairs facing audience HE & SHE -- (Enter from opposite directions, in unison) -- Taxi! (both open imaginary cab door step one foot in) SHE -- (withdraws foot) Oh, you go ahead. I'm in no hurry. HE --- (withdraws foot) No, I insist. Ladies first. SHE -- (As she steps in, sits) Well, maybe we can share the cab. HE --- Well, I'm going uptown. SHE -- Hey, I live uptown. HE --- (sitting) I get off at the Gateway towers. SHE -- (sitting) Hey, I live in the Gateway towers. HE --- Gateway Towers, please driver. Nice wedding, huh? SHE -- Were you at the wedding? HE --- Yeah, I caught the garter. SHE -- I caught the bouquet! (they laugh) BOTH -- That means you and I are ... (stare out window in unison) HE --- Are you married? SHE -- No ... HE --- Neither am I. HE & SHE -- But I'd like to be. (eyes meet, look away in unison) HE --- You like kids? SHE -- I love kids ... HE & SHE -- Girls. SHE -- You too? (eyes meet, look away in unison) HE --- Yes, I think girls appreciate music more. SHE -- I suppose you studied music too? HE --- Music education, actually. Were you a music major? SHE -- Yes ... at ... HE & SHE -- (in unison, nodding) Stanford. SHE -- Class of 93. HE --- 91. (eyes meet) SHE -- Wow, I'll bet I saw you on campus. HE --- Maybe you knew my girl friend, Susan Whipple? SHE -- You're going with Susan? HE --- Oh, not anymore. She just dropped me today for a guy she just met at the wedding. A guy named... HE & SHE -- (pointing at one another, laughing) Tony. HE --- So, you're available. SHE -- And so are you. SHE -- I can't believe how closely our backgrounds match. HE --- We think so much alike. SHE -- (staring into each other's eyes) No two people have more in common. HE --- Listen, I don't usually work this fast. But for some reason, I.... HE & SHE -- Will you marry me? (laugh nervously, look out the window for one beat, turn to each other) YES! (lights out, music up) THROUGH THE YEARS The Wedding Hats: HE --- top hat SHE -- veil Pastor - Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Who gives this woman to be with this man? ALL MEN IN AUDIENCE -- (in unison) I do. SHE -- I take thee, John to be my lawfully wedded husband. HE --- I take thee, Mary to be my lawfully wedded wife. SHE -- Mary? Who's Mary. HE --- Sorry. I take thee, Martha to be my lawfully wedded wife SHE -- With this ring I thee wed. HE --- With this ring I thee wed. Pastor - If any man has reason why this man and this woman should not be joined together, speak now or forever hold your peace. Dad -- One moment please ... SHE -- Daddy! (picks up his dauqhter's hand, examines the ring with a lupe) Okay, go ahead. (lights out, music up) THROUGH THE YEARS The Honeymoon Hats: HE --- none SHE -- none SHE -- (hugging, looking at the sunset) Oh, darling, isn't this a romantic sunset? It reminds me of that wonderful evening in Monteray. HE ---(puzzled) Monteray? I don't remember Monteray. ALL MEN IN AUDIENCE -- (in unison) I do. THROUGH THE YEARS The Morning after Hats: HE --- none SHE -- none Pastor - Brothers and sisters, sin is running rampant in the world, in our nation, in our community, yes, right here in this very church. It was reported to me that late last night an original sin was committed right here in the front pew! HE ---(stands from among the congregation, raising his hand then lowering self-consciously) Ah, was it a sin if they were married? SHE -- (stands, holds his arm) No, but it WAS original. THROUGH THE YEARS Never too late Hats: HE --- fishing hat SHE -- scarf HE --- (waiving) Goodbye, Junior. SHE -- (waiving) Nice to meet you, Sharon. (to HE) You mustn't keep calling him Junior anymore, hun. He's gonna get married next summer. (sighs) He looks a lot like you did at that age, Grampa. You were a handsome young man. HE --- That Sharon is a real looker. Why, if I was twenty years younger... SHE -- You'd still be old enough to be her father. HE --- Well, I still have a little romance in my soul. What about that candle light dinner we had a couple months ago? SHE -- Yup. Then the electrician came and fixed the circuit breaker. HE --- Well, I don't need an excuse. I'm as ready as I'll ever be for a little dancin' and romancing. (jumps up and clicks his heals, comes down clutching his lower back) ooo. ah. oh. SHE -- (As she helps him off stage, slowly) Here let me help you up to bed. Looks like you need a good back rub. HE ---(to the audience) Works every time. (to gramma) ooo. ah. oh. (lights off, music up) ©2007 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.fea.net/bobsnook email: bobsnook@fea.net BACK |